How to continue speaking when the headlines have moved on….
Like many others who listened to the news of the multiple rape incidences in the country, I fought a full field of heartbreaking emotions this week. I went from rage to deep sadness, to heartbreaking pain at the dehumanizing memories most women have had to live with. In some of those moments, the kind words, and voices of outrage and hope of friends and strangers on social media were like balm to my aching heart. In other moments, some other callous, ignorant or plainly evil posts threatened to put me on edge.
But amid all this, I’ve asked myself this: what happens when Rape stops trending and the next big news hits the headlines? Right now, it’s okay to join the conversation because many people are talking about it. What happens when your voice would possibly be the lone one among many other trending matters? What would happen to that girl walking home from school who has to look over her shoulder every minute? What would be the fate of the lady whose visit to a male friend ends her? What happens to the trusting young girl in her parents’ house who learns the hard way that the people closest to you could be the very ones to harm you? How would the victims of sexual assault find justice in a clime that asks them ‘what were you wearing and tells them to keep quiet and not bring shame to their families? Suck it up. Be strong. You aren’t the first person.’ What happens to the men who get off on objectifying women, and have normalized insulting, mocking or tearing down a woman because of her gender? There are so many ‘what’ questions that would remain unanswered if we do not act.
Today I write to you with the belief that you’ve been an advocate for justice in your own way. This note is my attempt to contribute to the conversation by showing you what the word ‘SPEAK’ means to me in three different ways. This is in no way exhaustive, but as little as each seem, the life changing effects are far reaching.
SPEAK OUT
This translates to speaking out against injustice through all media that you have access to, but much more within your circle. A killing culture is established in the silence of its people, and culture starts from your circle. When that friend of yours catcalls at a strange woman on the street because of the shape of her behind, speak out. When he laughs about his attempt to forcefully kiss a girl and taunts her for saying no, speak out. When his/response to a news of rape are questions pinning blame on the victim, speak out. Silence is betrayal.
Rapists aren’t ghosts, they are humans who grow up in our world, with friends, parents, bosses and/or employees. Beyond social media posts (which is great), it’s your responsibility to influence your circle, call out bad habits, destructive mentalities/assaultive actions.Choose not to hold yourself and the people you surround yourself with accountable. Don’t be an enabler.
Within the broader societal group, contribute to conversations on policies. Write that article, record that video, have that conversation and don’t stop standing for what you believe.
SPEAK TO
This captures two forms which include teaching the right behaviours to all individuals on one hand and speaking to the victims/vulnerable population on the other.
We have a responsibility to raise a generation of individuals who can identify the right behaviours and we can’t leave this responsibility to ‘people out there’. I appreciate the diverse efforts individuals and organizations have put into educating, mentoring and empowering victims and those at risk, but there’s still whole lot of work to do. Our brothers, fathers, uncles and bosses need to learn empathy, responsibility and how to protect those entrusted to their care. Power or privilege doesn’t and should not be used as an opportunity to take advantage of a girl or woman’s vulnerability. They need to learn that NO means NO, and that it’s not a reason to victimize.
We then need to teach our young girls that their voices matter, and their bodies are precious. That their No indeed means No. Teach our women to be a supportive force and voice in their homes, against the entrenched mentality that they cannot be protectors or voices for change.
And for the sake of victims, learn the right way to respond to a story of abuse. Your response matters and may be the difference between healing and lifelong trauma. Ignorance is no excuse, so instead of asking victim blaming questions like ‘What did you wear? Maybe you were seductive? Why were you outside by that time? Why did you go visit him? or he just liked you and didn’t know how to express it. You could have run, did you fight back?’ You would learn to say that ‘I’m sorry you were defiled and disrespected, you didn’t deserve this. I know how much strength it took for you to speak out, you’re brave and I would support you fully. Thank you for trusting me with this, I would stand by you to get justice.
Become a model example of what support looks like.
SPEAK FOR
No matter what we say, or how widespread our efforts are, there would always be those who are too afraid to speak out. Those whose families are afraid of retribution. Those whose abusers are more powerful than they are. In these cases, someone needs to be a voice for them. You cannot just mind your business. ‘Mo ya look away’ is not an acceptable response. Instead be a safe space for the voiceless to speak, then amplify their voices in places where they’ll otherwise not be heard. Also put your money where your mouth is. Invest and contribute to purchasing resources that can help victims. Support agencies and organisations committed to this cause.
In conclusion, there are many words that can be spoken, many lessons that can be taught but this is just a note, so beyond this, look inward and address your biases where they exist, then consciously decide to be a positive force for change and healing in our world today. In addition, guard your heart against the hate and resentment that this sort of news can bring.
I pray and hope that as each day passes, we learn to love the next person better. To treat one another with respect and dignity, and to be examples of living right. Also, may all those who are victims get and find strength in their brokenness and hope for the future.
With Love,
Simi
Simi Joel 